Dr. West

The "Post-Nuptial"

Legal Agreement

Rewritten from a husband's e-mail

My wife is a sexy and smart little tart that I was very fortunate to land.

Guys definitely notice her. She's 37, slim, long dark hair, with nice, natural breasts.

I thought that with age she would put on weight and get a bit "matronly." It hasn't happened.

 While I've lost a lot of hair and put on weight, she's seems to have matured into "middle-age" sexy.

After a few years things shifted in our sex life from me starting it to her starting it -- or, lately, more like her trying to start it.

She, of course, wondered what had changed, but I assured her that things were fine--which they were, except for that.

With age and blood pressure medications, getting an erection was no longer easy, and keeping it was a worse problem. Often, I couldn't even enter her, so I had gotten reluctant to even try.

" A number of times she mentioned women at her work that were having affairs, so I figured it might just be a matter of time before she succumbed to some young, testosterone-driven guy."

Regularly dealing with lawyers and contracts in my work, I started thinking about ways that I could keep her.

I got an idea and spent a couple hours with a lawyer friend, who I trusted to keep things confidential.

Although he had definite reservations about the legality of my idea and pointed out a lot of pitfalls, I persuaded him to do what I asked.

I then suggested to my wife a weekend in Las Vegas. On Saturday night after we had seen a show, I said I wanted to talk to her about something serious.

" We went to a quiet restaurant and after a couple drinks I said that I wanted to discuss two things: opening the marriage for her only andhaving her sign what I was calling a post-nuptial agreement."

In short, she could date guys and have sex with anyone she wanted, in return for signing the agreement where she would lose everything in the marriage (car, bank account, savings, her beloved little dog, etc.) if she left the marriage.

If I tried to divorce her, she would automatically get everything -- leaving me with nothing. The particulars were spelled out in great detail, including the stipulation that if she took advantage of the sexual freedom that she would be discrete, she couldn't just keep seeing the same man, and we would continue to sleep in our bed.

My lawyer said that although the legal implications were questionable, you don't have to be "right" in these things, you just have to have the financial resources to legally tie things up until the other person goes broke fighting it.

" With this agreement I thought I could keep my wife, give her the sex life she deserved, and force myself to get beyond jealousy and possessiveness."

She was pretty confused about the whole idea and spent a few days thinking about it.

She didn't go to a lawyer, fortunately -- I guess she was embarrassed to -- and one evening I saw that she had put on a sexy dress to go out.

She asked if I was sure I wasn't going to mind if she went out with a guy and maybe slept with him.

She said if she started dating around that soon everyone would know, and guys that she had been giving the cold shoulder to would suddenly be coming onto her.

I knew that and had thought long and hard about this before I made my decision.

She asked if I needed to know or approve of who she went out with, and I said I didn't, but I always needed to know where she was and what time to expect her back.

" I reminded her that the agreement said she couldn't let any other relationship threaten the marriage."

She nodded saying she had read it all and then she slid an envelope over in front of me.

I opened and saw that she had signed the agreement.

As she got up she said "I've decided to see what this can be like."

On your site you talk about how difficult it is for a lot of people to make the hotwife or open marriage idea work.

Given our legal agreement, we have too much to lose if we don't.

I assume for the first time in a long time my wife will get all the sex she can handle.

Dr. Lee comments:

Although this might seemingly solve your problem, there are three possible outcomes:

1. things will go as you hope

2. she will try and eventually get tired of bed-hopping

3. she will develop feelings for one of the men she goes out with (or you will experience major feelings of jealously), either of which can damage the marriage beyond repair.

There are many potential pitfalls in this. For one thing, it discounts the very human traits of jealousy and possessiveness. See fork.

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