White Wives, Black

 Lovers Phenomena

 From e-mail.  With an analysis

" This phenomenon has multiplied ten fold even since you first wrote about it.  It is very common now, sex between white wives and select black men."


      I have respected your work for some time.

You were one of the first to write about the hotwife phenomenon in a rational, original and sensible manner and one of the first to recognize the incredibly strong drive and appeal of interracial sex, especially as it relates to the attraction and appeal of married white wives and black men.  A powerful attraction not only for the white wife but also for her white husband.

" [As a white wife] I couldn't believe the excitement of lying in bed with this black man's penis fully up into me, knowing that when he came he would fill me with potent black sperm."
-from email


This white wife/black man sexual union with the white husband's approval is more popular now than even you realize. 

Many of the white wives I know are fucking black men, most of them with their white husband's approval.

" White wives would never have considered doing some of the things with their white husbands that they perform eagerly for black partners."


Your work on the interracial appeal and attraction of young Asian women and white American men is another rapidly growing phenomenon. 

Again, you were in the vanguard in recognizing this trend.  I see more and more couples now consisting of beautiful, young Asian women with older, white American men, often with several children. 

There is, of course, an incredible amount of pornography dealing with both black male/white female sex and with Asian female/and black male sex.

I think this is reflective of something deep in our psyche that goes to this strong, interracial appeal and attraction between the races, especially black males/white females.  I hope you will continue your study of this important aspect of our sexuality.

Comments by Dr. Lee:

>> We have covered some of the motivations for this in other places, including here, but let me add some things in a 1-2-3 fashion. 

We need to emphasize that while some of the following will be applicable in some cases, not all will be applicable in every case.

So, in other words, "just think about it."

1. First, we are going through difficult and stressful times in our society and people are looking for strong diversions. People have a need to break out of the routine and be stimulated or diverted by new experiences.

2. Sex is one of the strongest diversions, but for many couples "sex at home" has gotten to be a bit of a "ho-hum" experience -- and may have even dropped off to a "once-in-a-while thing." It also carries "baggage" accumulated during the relationship which interferes with what should be a open and spontaneous act -- the kind that was probably present at the beginning of the relationship.

3. Something contrary to the "usual" is stimulating. For white women sex with black lovers -- long "taboo" -- constitutes a strong diversion from the "usual."

4. Black-on-white sex for many people represents a kind of "rebellion" against social norms. Rebelling can give one a sense of liberation from what is perceived as a rigidly structured lifestyle.

5. For the white wife having a black lover can include an element of cuckolding. The fact that she becomes fantasy slave to a black man's wishes (and not her husband's) adds to that. There is obviously a secret element of humiliating her husband here.

6. The husband may also see an element of humiliation of his wife. He may not have intimate control over her, but he likes to see that another man can. In a rather complete case history on this site we refer to this as "the taming of the shrew."

7. The media, and especially the "soap operas" (network afternoon dramas) feature routine bed hopping. While they may try to impart a visible conservative tone acceptable to the audience, they also know that sex means ratings (a.k.a., sex sells!). Today, movies routinely show a couple meeting and then waking up in bed together. Black-on-white sex has become a titillating part of that. 

The movie, One Night Stand, with a beautiful blond actress (Nastassja Kinski) and a handsome black man (Wesley Snpes) introduced much of the public to black-on-white sex (while showing the tragedy of AIDS contracted by a friend).

8. It has been well established that regular sex, especially for a women, is related to a number of positive health and beauty benefits. When sexual abilities of a white husband diminishes a carefully selected virile black lover can fill the gap.

9. For her there may also be bragging rights involved. The wife may feel that she hasn't proven her sexual courage and proclivity until she's had a black lover.

10. Somewhat related to the above, there may be this: Some husbands like the fact that their wives turn on men and come across as "easy." 

He may like her to wear provocative clothes so that men will lust after her and thus remind him of the "prize" he has won. This segment of e-mail, which was included in this file, clearly shows some of these elements.

" I like to compete, and when I opened the door for my wife to go to bed with other men, suddenly I was back in the competition for her. 

I guess I had been taking her for granted a bit too -- but once men knew "she would," I was competing for her, both in the bedroom and out. 

I don't have to tell you how much she's loving that part!

For my part, I like to picture my pretty little wife getting it from different guys."

- From e-mail


The fact that this is "a dangerous game" adds to the excitement and challenge (for some husbands).

The wife may like the fact that her husband knows "she will," therefore, he has to pay attention to her -- even seek to regularly please her.

We get e-mail from couples who say that when the wife started having lovers (with his permission) it added excitement and intrigue to their relationship.

11. Some couples -- especially some men -- want to prove that they (and love) can endure through this and that they can overcome the common traits of jealousy and possessiveness.

And, finally, there is the selfless, "do unto others" motivation. He may love the pleasure of sex with other women and he wants her to enjoy the same pleasure with other men.  More and more white wives are getting this pleasure from verile black lovers.

" We gotten many letters from husbands whose wives have lovers (with their permission and even encouragement), but their wives do not want their husbands to have sex with another woman."


 Some husbands, especially those who have lost sexual abilities and are married to much younger women, may encourage their wives to meet their sexual needs with selected men. In this case it's more of a hotwife agreement than an open marriage. We say men (plural) because they feel that seeing one man all the time can easily turn into a threat to the relationship.

>> Of course, any of the above can easily "go very wrong" and severely damage or destroy a marriage. To reduce (but not to eliminate) the chances of that rules such as these are often agreed on and strictly adhered to.

Our Mail on This Subject

>> We've gotten more mail on this subject than on any other.  The feedback has been mixed.

While some Asian and American women have said that it was (and is) a great experience, and in some cases even claimed that it saved their marriages, others have said it derailed and doomed their marriages.

Some wives have strongly warned against black-on-white sex, saying that once the wife gets used to a physically larger and bolder black lover that it ruined sex with their husbands.

>> Although a final answer must be up to the people involved and we would be remiss if we gave (if you will excuse the expression) "one size fits all" advice, we'll end with this warning -- one that many people wish they had heeded. -DW

Sexual disease is especially high in black and Latino groups. It is estimated that almost of half of people with sexually-transmitted infections don't tell a new partner. Sex with anyone other than a trusted partner requires protection — generally in the form of a condom. Although if properly used, condoms provide a high degree of protection, that protection is not 100%.


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