Dr. West

Hotwives, Stags, Cuckolds Defined

With affairs taking place in about 50% of urban marriages, an argument can be made for sanctioned affairs that do not involve deceit and cheating. "

Hotwife (hot wife) and stag defined.A wife who stays committed to her husband but can take advantage of agreed on freedom to have sex with other men.

Although cuckold, especially in the original sense, connotes a somewhat emasculated male partner, a stag connotes a male that plays a dominant role in encouraging his female partner to enjoy sex with select men.

Many, if not most, of the letters on this site use the term cuckold when the more recent and less widely understood term, stag, more aptly applies.

" It has long been assumed that the sex drive in women is much lower than it is in men. However, when social and psychological restraints are removed, the female libido can be as strong in women as it is in men."
-Dr. Ronny West

Many women today are attempting to free themselves from centuries of religion-based, male centered sexual suppression as originally dictated by early Jewish tribal law when wives were seen as a husband's property and had few rights.

Some wives immediately embrace the opportunity for sexual freedom. They miss their earlier experiences with dating, and now being older and wiser about sex and relationships, want to again experience the attention of men -- especially men who know how to please a woman in bed.

Even so, for many women it's not about the sex as much as renewed intimacy and the excitement of new experiences.

According to some sources, fantasizing about watching a man have sex with his wife ranks among the top male fantasies.

The hotwife's husband, sometimes referred to as the cuckold husband (see below), gets vicarious sexual pleasure from his wife's sexual experiences.

At the same time, the price for this freedom may involve letting their husband control the nature of her affairs. This is generally seen by the wife as a small price to pay for sexual freedom while maintaining the advantages of the marriage -- especially when the sexual interest (libido) of their primary partner has significantly declined.

Some women also like to crash through sexual propriety "cougar" style.

" She wants to hang onto the security of the marriage while being allowed new sexual experiences.

For my part, I like to picture my pretty little wife getting it from other men. "

- From e-mail

Some say the hotwife and cuckold husband behaviors ultimately spring from evolutionary needs. This file delves into the evolutionary motivations.

Today, there are scoresof Internet sites devoted to wives looking for extramarital affairs.

Many porno sites feature photos of women clearly showing wedding rings while being photographed (often by their husbands) having sex with other men.

Cuckold Husbands Defined

The term cuckold used to relate to unfortunate men whose wives were having secret affairs with men. Often, the husband was the last to know -- if he ever did.

However, today, cuckold more commonly refers to men who allow or even encourage their wives to have sex outside of the marriage.

" I like the fact that although she enjoys letting other men take her to bed she sticks by me and wants me more than any of them. I guess that's the real test of love and a marriage. "

From an email letter to the site

In today's climate of increased sexual expectations and declining male libidos, many husbands can no longer meet their wife's sexual needs.

Under agreed upon conditions, more and more husbandsare giving their wives permission to have purely sexual liaisons.

Some husbands report that a wife that regularly has sex (including outside of marriage, especially when sex within the marriage has diminished) is healthier and happier.

To make it clear that this is with her husband's approval, he may buy her a gold chain to wear on her right ankle.This signals to men in the know that, although married, she is free to havesex with other men.

Her husband trusts her to be careful and to keep him informed, generally by texts, about where she is, who she is with, and when he should expect her home.

" I like to see her come back from a date with that sexual glow that follows vigorous sex. "

From email

Black-On-White Sex

In recent years black-on-white sex(white women/wives with black men/lovers) has greatly grown in popularity, starting in high school, if not before.

Some Internet sites have thousands of photos of attractive young white women with well-endowed black lovers.

Some white women feel that when they crash this racial barrier with the right black partner they experience a new level of sexual excitement.

Some bold white women show off their preference for black lovers by wearing black cock slut t-shirts.

However, sometimes this is a statement of social-sexual rebellion (designed to shock people), and not an indication of their sexual experience.

" We have this agreement where she can go out on a date once a week and she can go to bed with the man if she wants. I don't want to know who he is, only that it's not the same guy all the time.... I encourage her to wear sexy outfits when she goes out. "

from e-mail

According to one husband -

" I definitely don't want to lose my wife, but I fantasize about her getting it from other men.

I guess I want it both ways. A wife that is devoted to me, but a woman that likes sexual variety.

Maybe it's a contradiction, maybe it's too much to hope for, or maybe it's against human nature, but I want our marriage to survive by totally trusting in loveand not based on a piece of paper that demands sexual exclusivity.

...I guess this is would be the ultimate test of love."

For a man It can also be the acid test for personal insecurities.

Related to these issuesare some surprising research findings.

Even so --

The vast majority of married couples have a need to see a partner as exclusively theirs, especially during the early years of the relationship.

Maybe society will evolve to the point where individuals are secure enough in themselves not to be threatened by the prospect of hotwives and open marriages. However, for the vast majority, that time is not now.

Some years ago when we first started writing about "hotwives," we decided that the term would be best as one word instead of "hot wives."

This would differentiate the term from this application: "The air conditioning was broken at the DAR meeting, which resulted in many hot wives" -- a distinction that DAR women would undoubtedly appreciate.