Karma and -- 

From Prude To Slut

Rewritten as a narrative from email


I really hope that part of reincarnation is coming back to fix things that I totally fucked up the first time.


A friend I grew up with was the daughter of a guy who belonged to some right-wing religion. He didn't believe Rose [his daughter] should dance, hold hands with a boy, or even be close to one without supervision.

Naturally, Rose was home schooled because public school involved taking part in activities that were forbidden.

Rose was pretty -- long, wavy brunette hair, beautiful, high cheekbones, and probably a nice figure, although she wasn't allowed to wear clothes that would give much of a clue about that.

When she finally was forced to go to a public high school, she didn't fit in and was shunned.

Although Rose and I only lived a mile apart, I, too, shunned her .  Spineless weasel that I was, it was more important to me to go along with the crowd.

I heard she tried to commit suicide in high school.  They referred her to sessions with a psychologist, at least until her father found out and put a stop to it.

Okay, you get the idea.

Generally, we don't get the opportunity to fix things in our lives that we fuck up, but years later and out of the blue Rose's mother called me and said she hadn't heard from Rose for months and was very worried.  I don't think I ever spoke to this woman before but I lived close to Rose's college and she wondered if I could check on her.

I had long been haunted by my cowardly inaction on Rose's behalf so I saw this as a chance to maybe make amends.

I'd heard she chose this college because it had a good archaeology department and she could find out new truths about early Christianity. Plus, it was probably the only major her parents would approve of.

I had to do some major detective work to piece together what was going on.

Some people didn't want to talk about Rose, including some officials at her school. I was soon to find out why. I was told that she had left the country to join a "dig." 

I finally found a telephone number for her last known address.  A guy who said he was "Ron," answered but refused to say anything about Rose until I answered a bunch of questions.  I told him I had grown up about a mile from her and that her mother asked for my help. He said, "We'd better talk in person."

When I found the place I saw a large U-Haul trailer outside.  When I got inside the apartment, he asked me if I was there because I'd seen her videos.

"What videos?"

Satisfied with that answer, he said, "She got herself into quite a mess."

"What kind of mess?"

Ron avoided that and said, "Thanks to some psychology courses she realized that the way she grew up was the cause of her problems.  When her father demanded she come home, she refused, so her father cut off her meager l financial support.

"She was in debt and was forced to take a job in a bar because she was attractive and she was told she could make a lot on tips."

"A bar; that doesn't sound like her."

"You don't know the half of it. It appears that Rose radically changed when she realized just how screwed up her upbringing had been and she kind of flipped out and started drinking. While she was in that state she met some guys, who noticed that killer body of hers, lured her into porno.

"Meanwhile, her father heard some rumors, stormed the campus and threatened to sue everybody. But the problem was Rose was now legally an adult. To escape the maelstrom brought on by her father, Rose left the country and joined an archeological  dig. That's where she is now."


"After her father cut her off she was in major debt and she found out that 'video modeling,' as it was advertised, was a way to get some quick cash before the roof came down and she was forced to go back home."

I was having a hard time believing what I was hearing but I saw 16X20 glamour photos on the wall.  Definitely Rose.

Ron nodded at some boxes stacked by the door.  One of them had been opened.  He was quick to explain that he had opened it because he thought she had been sent food or something, and it would go bad. The boxes contained bundles of
Watchtower magazines.

Ron said, "I didn't know anything about that bunch, except that they kept showing up at my door until I told them to not come back. I did a bit of research on them and began to understand  why Rose was so messed up. You can check out the documentaries on YouTube -- pretty revealing stuff and stuff that their members are forbidden to see or read about under penalty of an everlasting fire and brimstone hell I guess. And he wanted her to pass these out on a college campus!"

Ron watched me while I let all this sink in.

He continued as he walked to the bedroom and pointed to the dresser. "She got a bunch of letters, some from her mom and some past due bill notices. I paid some of the bills since I wanted to keep her out of jail, but now I've got a new job to get to."

I glanced at the bed, "So you shared this apartment -- just the two of you?"

"Yes, but there was nothing special in it.  I quickly found out that she was too messed up to get serious about. When she discovered sex doing porno it was like something let lose and she started fucking every guy she met. Guys are still calling.

"She found that that fucking black guys paid more. That's what porno wants to see and she got paid a lot for doing that.

"We stopped having sex; I didn't want to get some disease even though she had to be regularly tested. Plus, I saw the guys she was with--eight-plus inches.  Who could compete with that?"

I was still trying to process all this. "When is she coming back?"

"About a week, but I'm not sure what she'd do when she finds I'm gone. She's fragile.

"Sorry to tell you this stuff, but I guess you need to know. She got a bit famous because of the videos.  We couldn't go anywhere without guys recognizing her. That's a large part of why she had to get out of the country -- that and her dad."

There was silence for a while. He said, "I feel guilty about just running off and leaving her but you know where her home is and I don't know what to do with her stuff."

He saw my hesitancy.  "I've paid the rent until the end of the term so she'll have a place to stay for a while. But somebody needs to keep her away from that family of hers and all the shit they represent, and, of course, the booze which she uses to cope with all of the guilt."

I said, "You don't really know me; how do you know I haven't been sent by her family, or that church or something?"

"After you called I did an internet search on you."

"Okay, but that doesn't mean that I would be willing...."

He interrupted. "You could maybe save her from going over the edge, which she could, especially if she gets here and finds I've abandoned her."

I interrupted, "Which you are doing."

He ignored my comment. "Plus, nobody's going to hire her for a decent job, not after they investigate her. Wherever she goes some guy recognizes her."

While I thought over what it seemed I was getting into, I helped Ron load some of his bigger things in the U-Haul.  Being satisfied with me he was now in a hurry to leave. 

"He handed me a slip of paper.  This is her flight and arrival time. I've written down her cell number too. If I get a text from her I'll forward it to your number."

Within an hour he was out the door. I texted Rose's mother and told her Rose was out of town but I would be seeing her when she got back. She called me, but I refused the call. Maybe later when I could sort this out.

I had two days before Rose's' flight was to arrive. Having nothing better to do I went through Rose's things. I saw some modeling shots and found two boxes of porno DVDs with various versions of her picture on the covers.

Among the letters Rose received were some that looked as if they could contain checks. The bills that Ron paid were clipped together and marked 'paid.' There were two little boxes of love letters or probably lust letters which had been forwarded by the 'Elite 4K Video' agency.

In his haste to leave Ron had left a box of books. I found one that looked interesting and sat down to kill some time.

Finally, it was time to pick up Rose. I had no idea how she would react when she saw me instead of Ron.

Despite her dark glasses, I spotted her immediately as she was leaving the restricted area of the airport.  I took her carry-on bag and she said, "He left, didn't he?"

"He had to get to his new job."

"Did my parents send you?"


"Ron is really gone?"


"Where are we going?"

"To your place."

"I still have a place?"


"Well, at least there's that.  You look older."

"It's been a few years."  After that she was silent.

When we got to the apartment, she immediately went to Ron's closet and saw there was nothing there. She flipped through the letters on her dresser and organized them into piles. There were tears running down her cheeks. She crawled on the bed and pulled the blanket over her. I left her alone and continued with the book I had been reading.

Several hours later I took two Salisbury steak dinners  out of the freezer and tossed them in the microwave. Ron had left stuff in the freezer, including cans of soda in the refrigerator.

When microwave beeps indicated the dinners were done I put them on the kitchen table with two cans of soda and I looked up to see Rose standing in the kitchen doorway. I waved at the table, "They'll get cold."

"You saw the videos, didn't you."

I didn't answer.

 "Do you hate me for what I did?"

"We do what we have to do to get by."

"You think I'm trash."


"Are you going to leave too?"

"Not unless you want me to."

"Just so you know, I don't have any diseases or anything."

"Good to know. Let's eat."

She hesitated, then sat down at the table.

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