Tips for Women

From a Wife's e-mail

" When I have his penis in my mouth I feel especially close to my boyfriend. It not only gives me a feeling of power but by keeping him sexually satisfied I know he will be far less likely to stray. " 


Throughout the ages women who knew how to delight with uninhibited oral sex have gotten men away from other women. Courtesans of old were schooled in these techniques.

Mastering Fellatio (Blow Jobs 

      Most men love it; most women don't.

 At least that's what most people believe.

Research indicates this is not the case. 

" According to researcher Brea Malacad, for women both intercourse and oral sex are associated with mostly positive emotions. This suggests that most young women are engaging in these activities because they enjoy them."


Based on the results of another study, many women report they feel powerful while performing fellatio.

According to one woman, "While I'm giving him head he's just focused on me and what I'm doing. ...He loves what I'm doing (he says I'm very good at it), he wants me to continue, and he's soon after me to do it again. That gives me a lot of control."

A major advantage of oral sex over traditional sex is that it takes less preparation -- no undressing or bed involved. 

     I was one of those women who avoided fellatio until a woman with a bit of experience with these things tipped me off to a few things.

She put the mastery of fellatio in three steps, each of which will take a bit of time and patience. (Most men won't complain!)

I tried what she suggested and it works. Now, I keep my husband so satisfied that I doubt if he has the inclination to consider other options.

I guess it's no secret that husbands are far less interested in other women when they get plenty of sex at home.

Here are the three steps.

1. First, tell your partner what you want to do -- explain how it's to his benefit -- and explain "the rules."

To start things off he will probably need to be freshly showered. You will not want to encounter any unpleasant tastes or odors. If you do, you have a full right to stop things until that's taken care of.

Step #1 may take a while, so you both need to be comfortable.  It may be best if you both are positioned on your sides without supporting your weight on an arm. A pillow or two will probably help.

For me it's sort of like slowly sucking on a pacifier. I can do it for a long time and I get no objections from him.

You need to explain that he has to (as in must) hold off climaxing for a long time.

If he cums, it will abruptly stop things, which is exactly what you don't want. (This can also be a method for suppressing premature ejaculation, but that's a different story.)

It should be stressed that he is to be perfectly still. If he starts to move his hips, or tires to takes hold of your head, stop him.

Likewise, you should not move your mouth back and forth over his penis. (Save all this for much later.) Although your lips will be around his penis, the only movement should be from your tongue.

Assuming his penis is erect, start moving your tongue over and around his penis.  Do it gently and watch out for the head of the penis because it's very sensitive even to the point of being painful.

For now, you don't need to take in more than a few inches.

(When you get really good at this part you can try for deep throating, but also save that until much later.)

If he gets close to coming, he should signal you, so you can immediately stop what you are doing until he says it's safe to start again. This may involve completely opening your mouth so as not to drag his penis across your lips.

Some men like to watch the women give them "head"; but for some this can be overstimulation. For now you want to control that.

" Instead of just watching, some men like to take POV (their point of view) photos as a girlfriend sucks them. Later, the photos is for him (and maybe selected friends) a turn-on to look at. "

You should notice that the penis is smooth and warm and not all that unpleasant to the tongue.

Get into the feel of it. Keep moving your tongue over it, as if you are memorizing every millimeter. Take your time; become intimately familiar with it. (If it was a different penis, could you tell?)

If he he does cum, which, hopefully, will not happen for some time, there are some things to consider.

Although most women spit out the semen or wipe it off of their faces, which is fine, there are some advantages to swallowing it.

Not only is there no harm in swallowing a healthy discharge but men prefer it and it doesn't make a mess on or stain sheets or clothes.

Porno sites don't show this because there is nothing to show and people (voyeurs) like to see a climax, as messy as it might be. 

This is another of those sex things that takes getting used to it, and assuming you are not doing home porno -- a topic for another time -- it will simplify things.

Some women will use the penis as a pacifier and even fall asleep with it in their mouths. 

When it starts to go soft, they will work their lips and tongue over it until it's hard again. (It's sort of like you have magic powers over it.)

" Most guys think I'm doing something for them with oral sex, but I've found it can be the other way around. By prolonging oral sex without letting them reach a climax I can feel a kind of energy flowing from the penis to me in kind of a tantric sex way. -
From e-mail


2. Many people have seen the classic movie, Deep Throat, and probably wondered how a woman could get a penis that far back in her throat.

You may have noticed that in today's porn, quite a few women have mastered this.

Once you become proficient with #1 above, you can start taking more and more of a penis into your mouth -- possibly only a few millimeters at a time. (Again, it's very important that the man does not move.)

When you start to gag (which you will at first) pull back until you get control.

It will take time, maybe even weeks, but he probably won't complain.

Assuming the penis isn't too large, which (outside of porno videos few are), there should come a time when you can take a penis in your mouth and let it slide directly down your throat with his balls against your chin.

Although erotic art often shows the woman bending over backwards in front of the man to achieve the right angle, this is not necessary (unless this happens to be in one of your favorite yoga positions).

" I start when my boyfriend is flaccid (not hard) and as I work on his dick it gets hard, fills my mouth, and even starts to go down my throat. I let my little sister watch sometimes. She thinks it's magic and now, she wants to try it too. But she's blabbermouth and I'm afraid she'll tell someone and we'll get us all in trouble. "

Be prepared for the fact that deep-throating a penis will block your breathing for a few moments. 

This is another reason you, alone, should be in control. And until you know you are in control, don't let a man hold your head until you trust him. (Men often like to hold the woman's head when they start to cum, so she can't turn away, which is fine if you can soon turn away later when you need to breathe.

I remember when I first accomplished the deep throat technique was a moment of victory that I then did over and over again until I could immediately start and then go on to push my nose against the man's stomach. (Guys are really impressed!)

"Often she teases me by looking at me seductively and gently rubbing my crotch. When she sees that she really has my interest, she unzips my pants and starts giving me oral sex. It gives her a sense of power because in a few minutes I have totally surrendered to what she's doing."

3. Letting him come in your mouth.

Although most women spit out ejaculate, as previously noted, there are advantages to swallowing it. Ejaculate is not harmful, assuming he has no sexual disease, in which case you shouldn't be doing this in the first place. (And no, semen is not fattening!)

Although it has been rumored that swallowing ejaculate makes a girl's skin clear, this rumor seems to have started by guys in California trying to sell their girlfriends on the idea.

Girls often feel that fellatio isn't really sex and, thus, they can stay virgins by having only oral sex.

Thus, oral sex is common in high schools and even grade schools today. (Sure, dad, I'm still a virgin; how dare you even ask!)

Also, a girl can't get pregnant through oral sex.

It's faster to satisfy a guy's immediate sexual need with oral sex than by vaginal sex.

For one thing neither of you have to get undressed and possibly risk getting caught. (Teachers in some inner-city schools say they catch girls giving guys quick blow jobs in hallways.) 

     Fellatio often replaces vaginal sex with couples wanting to avoid the difficulties of vaginal intercourse during the later stages of pregnancy.

An additional selling point:  Research studies have reported that pre-eclampsia, a life threatening complication that sometimes arises in pregnancy, is much less frequent in couples who practice oral sex, and even more rare in couples where fellatio regularly ends with a woman's swallowing of her partner's semen. 

It seems that regular exposure to the father's semen helps her immune system gradually grow accustomed to his proteins.

"I like to lie next to my boyfriend in bed at night with his cock in my mouth.  I treat it like a baby pacifier. I tell him not to move; to just let me control things.

Whenever he starts to get soft I work on it until he gets hard again and then I stop. I keep repeating that over and over. When I get tired or want to to sleep I just keep going until he cums."


One woman said if you put a hand very gently over his balls (warming them) and make enthusiastic noises (like you are really into it), it will make him come faster, assuming that's your goal.

So will letting him watch you. Mirrors can be good here.

Risk increases sexual excitement, so "doing him" in different locations can be exciting -- any place you won't get arrested.

     Again, all this take some getting used to.  Before oral sex many women start out by rinsing with a strong mouthwash such as Listerine, which handles possible germs and kills any taste.

It also helps to have him ejaculate in the back in your mouth away from the taste buds, but not so far back as to risk being inhaled.

 Now about STDs.

On this there are still conflicting findings.

One study shows that people who had one to five oral-sex partners in their lifetime had twice the risk of throat cancer compared with those who never engaged in this activity. 

Those with more than five oral-sex partners had a 250 percent increased risk (which probably means you shouldn't try to make a living at it!).

Then again, throat cancer is far more often associated with smoking.

Another study said that saliva kills many germs, including those associated with HIV/AIDS. Again, this has not been scientifically proven.

Other studies have concluded conclude that Chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV), gonorrhea, herpes, different multiple strains of hepatitis, and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), can be transmitted through oral sex.

Brushing your teeth, flossing, undergoing dental work, or eating crunchy foods such as potato chips right before or after giving fellatio can increase the risk of transmission, since these foods can cause small scratches in the lining of the mouth.

Some feel that a HPV vaccination, which has been proven highly effective against certain types of cancers, should be required, even for young girls.

Unfortunately, the "anti-vaxers," which seem to value politics and prejudices over health, are opposed, and that has led to unfortunate, even deadly, consequences.

Once the ejaculate gets beyond the mouth it encounters acids in the stomach that generally spell the death of germs -- unless there are lesions in the gastrointestinal track.

Medical professionals suggest using condoms when performing fellatio with a partner whose STD status is unknown.

Flavored condoms are even available. ("A pro" can unobtrusively put a condom in their mouth and roll it over the penis before she starts. The guy might not even know.)

Some women feel that fellatio indicates a subservient position for the women.  Other women say it's just the opposite, that women can easily gain power over men by skillful fellatio. Uncensored history seems to support the latter.

And speaking of uncensored history,  courtesans of old made themselves famous and in demand largely because they were experts in oral sex -- a practice that their wives thought was totally inappropriate to master.

Thus, their husbands went elsewhere, just like many do today.

As one woman said, "When you have a man's penis in your mouth, he's not going anywhere."

 We might add to that, "If you don't let your man get horny, chances are he won't go anywhere."

" I really feel really close to my boyfriend when I have his penis in my mouth. By always keeping him sexually satisfied I know he will be far less tempted to stray. " 


  • One of the most popular books attesting to this is Seductress: Women Who Have Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love, by Betsy Prioleau, 2002, which has extensive research on the most influential women throughout the ages.

  • Men find it a major turn-on to watch a woman give a man a blow-job. (You may have noticed that most Internet porn shows blow jobs.)

    The man can be him watching his wife perform fellatio on him, or (for for those who can handle it) it can be her giving another man a blow job.

  • As way of getting turned on, some husbands film their wife giving another man a blow job. This has resulted in hundreds of porno videos being added to the internet.

Note: Not being an MD or specialist in this area, I can't attest to the safety or efficacy of all these suggestions. You might want to do additional research on your own, especially if you have specific concerns.  -DW

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